For the past two nights I haven't been able to go to sleep until around 4 a.m.  In the evenings I have time to think and I get sad and I get angry.  Last night, I got angry and I have talked to Rich and I have made some decisions pertaining to the possibility of any more future pregnancies in my life:

1.   I will not be going to the doctor until I am good and ready to go.

2.   I will have Rich keep check on all the normal things such as weight, urine, blood pressure, sugar, etc.  He is an extremely competant nurse & is more than qualified to know if any of these values look suspicious.  I mean, let's face it...he runs a virtual ICU in the back of an ambulance.  He paralyzes people all of the time and breathes for them.  He manages dangerous life-threatening conditions all of the time (even in OB patients) and I think he can handle doing what a medical assistant does routinely.

3.   I will keep track of my own diet and my own glucose.  I will no longer have their little three hour glucose tolerance tests or anything else.  I won't be going to the perinatal clinic again unless there is a PROBLEM.  Again, my husband and I are more than smart enough to see if my sugar gets out of hand.

4.   If I do happen to have another miscarriage, I will be handling the whole thing at home from now on.  The only thing they did for me is do an ultrasound and make the whole thing a bit more painful by allowing me to see what I wouldn't be having.  Consequently, the bleeding got MUCH worse that day, probably due to anxiety, stress, and the nature of the internal ultrasound.  Did I mention that she just *had* to take a look at my ovaries during that ultrasound exam?  That requires a lot of rooting around in there (for lack of a better term).  Was that REALLY necessary at a time like that?  I don't think so.

5.   Truly, I am seriously considering (depending on how the first 20 weeks goes) on just dealing with the whole thing myself.  I have NEVER been allowed to go into labor naturally.  They always INSIST that I be induced, which makes the whole process completely miserable.  It also requires a lot of monitoring & restriction.  They never allow me out of bed at that point, they want to break my water as soon as I walk in the door, they put wires on the baby's head, and it's just a bit ridiculous when I have no problems.  Don't get me wrong....if there were a problem I would be the first person to seek medical help.  I had problems with Jared and I am not stupid.  But I'm tired of being micromanaged to the point of miscarriage due to stress and anxiety.  And I am pretty sure that is what happened in this case.

6.   They can kiss my hindend.  I know for a fact that 80% of the things they do to me are to avoid lawsuits.  Well, I am not going to sue anyone and I am tired of being a victim because others are quick to take legal action when they get a fart caught crossways.  So much is related to your mental wellbeing and stress is so dangerous...especially during pregnancy.  This WILL NOT happen again.  Ever.

I'm done ranting and raving.  I just had to get this out because it's MY BODY DAMNIT!  Wow, it's amazing how the government and the doctors are so hung up on giving a woman "the right to choose" what to do with her body when it comes to killing her unborn baby.  But, if you choose not to be poked, prodded, and experimented on repeatedly during your wanted pregnancy you are irresponsible.  Screw that!  Between my husband and I, we have enough medical knowledge and good common sense to handle an uneventful pregnancy.  We also have the good sense to know when to get intervention if it is needed.  If I get pregnant again, I'm going to exercise my rights.