Yesterday was pretty good.  Neither Rich, nor I, got very much sleep the night before, so we were tired.  He had to work and was called out all night and me....well I just couldn't go to sleep.  I finally passed out around 3:30 a.m.  Not good!

We went to Sunday school and church.  It sometimes is hard getting up and motivated to go, but I never regret going after I have been there.  I did ask my Sunday school to keep Rich and I in their prayers as we have been depressed and trying to get caught up on some rest.  This made me kind of weepy talking about it and I went on to the sanctuary for church afterwards and saw all the pregnant ladies.  I sat in the pews and I could hardly control the tears.  Rich didn't even know I was crying until he glanced over at me and noticed.  The little 88 year old lady who sits in front of me noticed and seemed alarmed.  The minister was walking about greeting people and noticed.  And then an angel came to my rescue.

You see, I got a very touching letter in the mail from a young woman at my church when all of this happened.  She, too, has went through a miscarriage and also has no children.  They desperately want them and they are currently undergoing fertility treatments and are awaiting the results next week.  We have been emailing one another back and forth for the past few weeks and I have drawn a lot of strength from talking with her.  All at once she appeared right beside me and saw my eyes and knew I was off kilter.  She sat and talked with me and I with her and we comforted one another.  She is such a sweet sweet young woman and I am so glad I have had the opportunity to get to know her better than just the passing, "good morning, how are you?"  She is a gem.  I guess this is another positive outcome that came from my miscarriage.  I've been finding a few lately and that makes me feel like God had greater reasons for the whole ordeal.

But I didn't really want to write in my journal about the neverending saga that has been my life the past few weeks.  I wanted to write about my husband, actually.  I have just felt so much love for him over the past few weeks that I felt like I should.

Rich and I met when I was 16 and he was barely 17.  I really feel like that is when I really began to live!  He made me laugh and I just adored him so much.  After dating for about five months, he asked me to marry him.  I was so happy I never once had a second thought about it...I could not imagine my life without him in it.  He is my best friend in the entire world.  Besides being incredibly attracted to him, I just really like being around him.  I always look forward to when he gets home from work.  I, literally, count the minutes after he leaves for 24 hours and I'm not truly happy until he returns.

He has a cell phone, thank goodness, and we talk repeatedly throughout the day when he is gone.  That makes it much more tolerable.  That is one thing I can say about our relationship from the beginning...we LOVE to talk to each other.  I thrive on his companionship and company.

We were married seven years before we had our first baby, Jared.  Our marriage was always enjoyable with a lot of travelling and goofing around like a couple of kids (which we were, we were only 19 when we got married).  After the children began to come along, we transformed into the family we had always wanted.  We, obviously, didn't have the lighthearted, leave-at-the-drop-of-a-hat kind of existance anymore, but we still enjoyed going places and doing things with the kids.  We have never taken any kind of trip without them and up until this past week I would have never imagined doing something like that.  But, it's going to happen in the next few weeks.

My good friend, Adrienna, is going to come down here and she is going to stay with the children and we are going to leave for a few days.  I'm not talking about going to a hotel downtown, either, but a full fledged minivacation.  I am open to any suggestion that anyone might have.

It's not that we don't like our children...that's not it at all.  We are just so very tired and depressed from the past few weeks that we cannot seem to recuperate back to where we were while we are working nonstop with the kids.  Kids are A LOT of work (do I have an AMEN from all the moms and dads in the crowd??).  Because of us being worn down, depressed, and in need of some peace, quiet, and rest we have not been the best parents to our children.   What we have is a situation where the kids are trying to be themselves, we either cannot keep up with them or get frustrated from their normal behaviors, and then we get irritable.  One thing about kids...they are great litmus tests for how your own mental health is!  If you are suffering, they act up...which is not condusive to our mental health.  It's a vicious cycle that takes a long time to break without help.

I'm glad I just realized that I needed help and asked...no...pleaded for help.  This will be good for everyone involved (except for maybe ADRIENNA!).  She might want to yank her ovaries and uterus out after she gets done with a tour of duty here in our house!  But, the kids will get a break from our neurotic behavior & we will have peace & quiet so we can come home fresh and ready to roll again. 

But back to my husband....I love this man with everything in my being.  There is not one part of him that I do not love and I would do anything in the world for him.  I know he feels the same way about me and it's a rare thing these days, this marriage that we have.  I am so thankful to God for giving me the love of a good husband and a beautiful family.  Every one of these darned kids look just like him, so even when he is gone...he's still right here with me. 

So any suggestions?  I want some place WARM and I would prefer an ocean be involved.  But I will take any suggestions.  :-)

Thanks for listen to me ramble, yet again.  Love you all...