There is nothing more to say....she is gone & I still do not know why.  Even after all of this, I do still love her like she were my own sister and I will never betray the memory of our friendship.  I am not angry at her in the slightest...but very hurt and empty.  I will not tolerate anyone speaking badly of her, so please respect that.  Please, just leave her alone and let her have her peace.  I just had to write about this to sort my feelings out about the whole situation.  I am not speaking behind her back because she still has full access to my journal if she wants to read.  I won't go into details, as that would not be right, but we emailed one another and it seems that, for the time being, she is a part of my past now.

Instead of going on and on about how devastated I am about this, I want to share a few good memories of her with the few people who can read this.  We always had a good time when people would call us silly, childish names.  Once I was called a hambeast, lol!  She has been called lots of things...from pig to lapdog.  We would joke around and found that an empowering way to deal with these types of situations.  LOL we even made funny icons, sometimes (re: she-devil icons!) to take the power out of the insult.  And it worked!  It was incredibly fun.

She sent me the whole first season of "Fat Actress" and I laughed myself silly over that.  I still rewatch a few favorite episodes & get a good chuckle.  We always tried to make light of any physical downfalls we might have.  We were always sure to encourage one another and remind each other how beautiful the other one was; even when we felt down.

It would be impossible for me to think of her and not remember the Geraldine's Cheese Straws & Key Lime Bites!  She was always so generous to send me packages and once sent me a whole gift sampler of these delectable goodies!  And on my birthday, she sent me the best package.  I sat right down and called her and tried everything in the box!  It was so much fun and it was nice to have someone remember me on my birthday.  I will miss sending and receiving packages to her.  It was always so much fun.

We used to have LONG telephone conversations late at night.  I am talking 3 or more hours!  And we would just laugh and laugh about so many different things.  We also would have serious conversations about important subjects.  And there was not a day that went by that we didn't talk on the instant messenger.  It is so odd to get online now and not see her name....

It's odd not to get an email from her....

It's odd to not get a phone call from her....

It's like she has passed away....nothing I can do will bring her back.  Not in my life, anyway. 

I could dwell like this for hours....but I won't.  She was and will always be my sister of the heart.  She will always be in my thoughts and in my prayers.  I want nothing but peace and happiness in her life.  Be free, my sweet friend and I hope that you get everything your heart desires in life.  I will end with this: