Remember that happiness is a way of travel - not a destination.

I thought it would be interesting to write down the many different lessons I have learned in 2005, both good and bad.  I will be adding and editing this all week long so I won't forget anything.  If you feel so inclined, reply with your own list or create one on your own blog.  I think it would be useful to read everyone else's lessons, as well, so we all can learn without repeating the same mistakes and/or circumstances.  Also, I am going to derive some realistic resolutions from these lessons so that I can have a better 2006.  Check back to this post, often, to see any addtions.

 

1.   My children are spoiled.  This is my fault and no one else's.  My kids have almost anything they want and they don't appreciate any of it.  They break it, mistreat it, and scatter everything all over the house in a matter of a day so that pieces are lost.  This coming year, we are going to buy less for our children.  We are going to try to give them more gifts that are useful or memorable...like clothing or outings.  Next Christmas, they will each receive three gifts.  That is all that Jesus got, yes?  They will get one gift of clothing, one special toy, and one other item they may be wanting.  I truly believe they may start appreciating their belongings more.

 

2.    I have experienced a lot of death this year of acquaintances, relatives, and friends.  I have learned that nothing should be taken forgranted.  If you keep putting off calling someone or writing a letter, DON'T.  Don't assume you will have tomorrow to do what you are meaning to do, because you might not have tomorrow.  That person might not be with you the next day...or you might not be here the next day.  Make each day count and spend time with the ones you love and care for, even casually.

 

3.   I have experienced and have witnessed loss of friendships this past year.  More than I care to talk about.  I even wrote a journal entry about it in September.  I have learned several hard lessons in 2005 regarding this subject & I am determined to remember these lessons so I won't have to go through any more pain.   First, I don't care how well you think you know someone, there are always things about them that you don't have any idea about.  People who you know, trust, and would never suspect of hurting you could end up surprising you in the end.  I have always been a trusting and loving type of person, but this past year has hardened me and made me more closed off to making new friends.  I will be more cautious when giving my friendship away.  It's sad, but necessary as I cannot keep getting hurt by people I thought the world of who ended up shattering me in the end.  Mentally, I am going to review who I consider friends in my life, think about each one carefully, and file each one in an appropriate classification in my mind.  This isn't something I am going to go around talking about, but if I make myself open my eyes and look at what is squarely in front of me and obvious, I won't be so surprised when the axe falls. 

 

4.  Speaking on this same subject, I have learned that I need to be a better friend to those who truly deserve it and are good to me.  I need not take those friends forgranted and give them the special attention that they deserve.  In the past, I have noticed myself showering some people with a lot of attention, gifts, & time.  Some of these people (not all of them) turned out to be very uncaring towards me in the end.  Others, who strangely enough I can count on, I find myself not calling them as often or giving them as much.  In the end, it all comes back down to prioritizing and categorizing who is worthy of my attentions and who is not.  

 

5.   A huge lesson that I have learned is that even though I don't agree with someone, albeit larger subjects, I can generally find *something* that I have in common with them.  If I read something in someone's journal that I don't agree with, I don't have to comment.  Likewise, if this same person writes something that touches me and I have something to add or to say, I am not afraid to say it just because they are on the opposite side of the spectrum as me.  Does this mean I am softening or that I am caving in to their points of view?  No.  It simply boils down to the old adage that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.  My life has greatly improved since I figured this out.

 

6.   I have learned that having more often just stresses me out.  I am a packrat and I never throw anything out at all.  The "stuff" is starting to get a bit overwhelming and I think I am going to downsize quite a bit and encourage my kids to be the same way.  Less is oftentimes better.

 

7.   I've learned that the news is out to get viewers and will do or show anything to get people's attention.  Most of it is bad and I don't have the energy to be overwhelmed with bad everyday.  This year I am going to start limiting the news that I watch and look for more of the good news.  One great place I have found is www.happynews.com   Now I am not naive enough to believe that everything in the world is happy, but I really could use a little bit of balance in what I see, hear, and read.  I am also smart enough to know that not everything in the world is so dire and awful that I should slit my wrists now and get it all over with.  Everything in moderation.

 

8.   The Serenity Prayer has always held a special place in my heart and helped calm me when I have been upset or stressed about something weighing on my soul.  This is not a new lesson I just discovered this year, but many things happened this past year to help reinforce what I already knew.  It is incredibly important to keep everything in focus and realize what you can change & what you cannot do a thing about.  That, I am convinced, is the secret to most of your happiness in life.

 

9.   I learned this past year that you cannot make or force a family to want to spend time together.  My husband and I have always been of the opinion that holidays should be spent with your family...even if it is not exactly on the day of the holiday.  We both can remember all the wonderful times spent at grandparents' homes and the memorable meals and festivities that went along with it.  We desperately want our children to have the same memories, but also realize that you cannot make others willingly participate.  Therefore, for 2006, we will strive to give our children the memories and family time that they need.  But we will no longer get upset or coerce others who don't want to be participating to join in with the fun.  The one invitation/suggestion rule will apply.  The idea will be brought up and invitations extended, but only once.  Life should be spent with those who want to spend it with you in return.

 

10.  I have learned that there are a lot of people out there in this world who need God & need to know that with Him all things are possible.  I have realized that many people who I want so desperately to dislike and stay away from are the ones who truly need the help.  I believe that help can be found in kindness and living a life that can be used as an example, to the best of my abilities.  In 2006 I would like to perform more random acts of kindness.  The joy that these types of actions bring to everyone involved is worth more than most anything else.   It doesn't even have to cost money...just a card, letter, giving something of mine that someone else could use that I don't need anymore, offering to do something that someone needs done, etc.  My brother & his fiancee gave me a book for Christmas called "365 Ways To Be Grateful"   I am going to try to read each suggestion each day and pick out some of the better ones to do.  I might start putting some of them in my journal entries. 

 

11.  Hateful, angry people only have power over you if you give it to them.  Hateful, angry people usually have a hidden reason for the way they act that they do not share with many.  The lesson I have learned is to not let them control my life and mood.  Instead of being hateful back to them, I am going to try and show them compassion.  Essentially, I am truly going to try and follow the Golden Rule...and do unto others as I would have them do unto me.   I learned this lesson towards the end of this year and have already tried to incorporate this into my life.  The difference it has made in my own life has been dramatic. 

 

12.  It's just easier to remain silent sometimes rather than to debate or argue with someone.  Really...it is. 

 

13.  I have learned that kids are a lot more fun when you don't take them so seriously.  I will continue to try and sit back, relax, and be entertained.  They are the source of most of my writings!

 

14.  I have learned that my husband is a much happier man when things are orderly when he walks in the door from work.  I will try to do that for him so his head doesn't explode, hahaha!

 

15.  I have learned that even though some of the requests my children make of me are tedious and drive me crazy, I should really try and comply.  It may make me crazy temporarily, but it means a lot to them.  In the end, after I relax a bit, I really enjoy these little things...like letting Jared help with the cooking, allowing them to cut loose and do some messy crafts sometimes, splash in the bathtub, play little games with them, etc.  I'll try to loosen up a bit and do more of these things with them this year.

 

This is all I have time to list for now.  However, be sure to check back daily as I am going to add more as I think of them.  I can't wait to see what you all come up with that we can learn from!  Hugs to everyone.

 

 

 

 

 

By: Alice Meadows