As the day progressed, the pain got so much worse.  By dinner time I felt like I was in labor.  I went through a very angry turn of events when the doctor's office called and told me that my progesterone wasn't good at all, but was very low.  They had told me it was fine earlier in the day.  They then went on to say that since I was bleeding and cramping so badly that it was useless to start the progesterone now...but that if I were to get pregnant again I would need it!  I told them I wanted the progesterone and I wanted it NOW.  I had specifically inquired about this over the weekend when all of this started and was brushed off.  Now I love my midwife (enough to name my daughter after her) and I know she would NEVER hurt me...but she made a bad call this past weekend. 

The nurse told me that the progesterone might make things worse....I told her it couldn't get any worse and to call it in.  Our cousin, Maria, came over to fix dinner and take care of the kids for the evening and she stopped at the pharmacy and got the medication.  I immediately took two capsules and waited. 

As I was saying before, the cramping turned almost unbearable.  I told Maria I had to go upstairs and lay down to be by myself and when I got up there I was bawling.  The pain was similar to what you feel when you go through transition during labor.  I couldn't find a position that made me comfortable and I kept telling the baby I was sorry and that I loved it and wished that it could be in our family....how the kids were looking so forward to a little brother or sister. 

My head was pounding from crying so much and I finally just said, out loud, "God, please help me!"  I am not making this up....I do not remember anything after that.  It was as if I had been put to sleep for surgery...I didn't dream and I didn't feel any kind of time passing.  I opened my eyes and it was two hours later.  I had no cramping and the bleeding had slacked off greatly.  I came downstairs and ate dinner and spent the evening with Rich watching TV.  I'm still bleeding...but nowhere near the amount as earlier.  The cramps are almost completely gone.  I still have the occasional twinge.

To my knowledge, I never passed the baby. At this point, I do not know if it is alive or dead.  But I do know that God took the pain away from me completely at my lowest moment, like an anesthesiologist would in a hospital.  It is hard for me to believe, truthfully, that the little thing could have lived through such awful contractions and bleeding.  But...stranger things have happened.  If this baby lives & is born this fall, it will be a complete and total miracle in my book.  Until I know what is going on, I am continuing to behave myself and do everything in my power to help it fight.  Please keep praying.  I so appreciate everyone's words of encouragement...you have no idea how much it means.

Love to you all....